Radiology Stock Photo *** Skeletons Out Of The Closet ***

I am now waiting for my dinner to digest a little more before I go for a shower.

Reached home around 11:30 p.m. and had a very late dinner with Mom since my brother did not eat his share (still in emotionless mode) and so I have to gobble down half of the egg and most of the vegetables.

Luckily my Mom said the other dish (which I don’t really like) can still be served tomorrow.

So, sis, you will have the dish again for tomorrow’s lunch eh..hahaa… *evil grin*.

***

Feeling very tired, but I am sure I don’t really have the right to say ‘I am tired’ because my Mom should be feeling even more tired than I do.

First, she needs to do the household chores; cook our meals; go for her flower arrangement sessions and her other commitments; then back to household chores and then cook our meals. To make things worse, now she will have to worry about my brother’s recent heartbroken affair and then about my health issues.

I am sure she’s very very very tired but she just keeps going, so what have I done to allow me to say ‘I am tired‘? 

***

Reflection is very tiring thing to do.

Perhaps that’s why people don’t really want to do too much self-reflection during nowadays, for it is tedious to evaluate our own doings at the end of each day.

Most of the time, we would just hope that we’ve had the correct thoughts inside our mind, said the correct words and performed the correct actions.

Alas, at the end of the day, only to realize that all the thoughts were incorrect, had said all the incorrect words and performed all the incorrect actions.

And here comes the most tedious task…that is ‘to feel guilty’.

***

Maybe I am a little harsh on myself since I have not really done anything bad to cause damage to the people I love.

On the other hand, I guess it’s not ‘doing anything bad’ that makes me feel guilty, but on the contrast, it’s ‘not doing anything good enough’ that is making me feel bad about myself.

***

I remember during twelve years back, a senior always reminded us not to let his behaviors fooled us into thinking that he was a good man for he has been fighting with himself all the while.  

He could not guarantee that which side of himself would eventually win for he could only temporarily hold back his evil self and holding back wasn’t really the final solution in this mental fight.

Therefore, he didn’t deserve to be labeled as ‘a good person‘ until he was able to allow his evil self roams within his heart without causing any evil ripples in his thoughts.

I couldn’t comprehend that part of conversation during that time. But now after encountering more and more self-struggling issues during the past ten years; and I will foresee more and not less to come in the next ten years, I am gradually getting to understand the point that he was trying to deliver to us.

***

HOLDING BACK is not the absolute solution.

Holding back would mean ‘restriction’ and restriction often stirs up frustration and irritation.

So, one shouldn’t hold back whenever problem arises but to face it, analyse it and solve it.

Perhaps we might not be able to solve it during the first round, but failure doesn’t mean that it’s the end for it is precisely this fear that made us ‘hold back’ in the first place.

***

Bit by bit, I am watching closely over my own desire.

Bit by bit, I am controlling my own desire.

Bit by bit, I am trying to dilute out my own desire.

I don’t really want to be labeled as ‘a good person’,

I just want to be a person whom I won’t have the desire to hate.

” I WANT TO EARN THE RECOGNITION FROM MYSELF! “

 JUNE, 2005

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Found this quote shared by my friends in my Facebook Page.

I may not be a Christian, but this is a nice song, so would like to share with all you lovely souls out there reading this post.

Do enjoy this song and have a great day ahead!

Till then,

Cheers & TTFN~ 😀

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Credits: All cute and lovely pictures found in this post are downloaded from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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